I was watching YouTube, where I learned that putting random keystrokes into Google search brings up bizarre results and videos. Eager to try it, I performed a finger roll on my keyboard’s second row of letters, rapidly undulating keys from pinky-to-index finger, with an extra randomization thrown in.
Sadfasdf.
[SEARCH!]
Imagine my astonishment: the number one hit was https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/details/sadfasdf-460945.
Seems my precious Sadfasdf ranked the 12,112th most popular American girl name in 2006, according to the Social Security Administration, no less! That’s 3 per million baby girls named Sadfasdf in 2006.
In 1996, alarmingly, it was 24 babies/million. To my chagrin, Sadfasdf was trending down. At this rate, there should be NO Sadfasdf‘s in America by now. And by 2100 all of the Sadfasdf’s will have died off. Extinction!
My left hand wasn’t finished. I eyed the top row of my keyboard lasciviously:
Qwerty.
Sounds like a boy’s name to me.
How right I was!
In 2014, Qwerty was the 13,367th most popular boy name in America. But get this—in 2023, it was the 9,542nd most popular.
Ladies and gentlemen, Qwerty is trending UP! From 3 baby boys per million in 2014 to 6 per million in 2023. It’s doubled! At this rate, every boy’s and man’s name in America will be Qwerty by 2263.
Fast Forward to 2263
“Hi, I’m Qwerty. What’s your name?”
“I’m Sadfasdf.”
“Sadfasdf?”
“Yes, Sadfasdf.”
“Weird name, Sadfasdf.”
“Yeah, it’s not very popular anymore. Used to be, like, 24 Sadfasdf’s for every million girls. About a zillion years ago. So, what’s your name?”
“I’m Qwerty.”
“Hey, so’s my brother. You have any brothers, Qwerty?”
“Yeah, two. Qwerty and Qwerty.”
“Where do you go to school, Qwerty?”
“Qwerty High School. You wouldn’t believe it, but every guy there is named Qwerty.”
“Oh, I’d believe it, Qwerty. I have this friend, Qwerty, who says his Dad, Qwerty, went to the University of Qwerty.”
“I’ve heard of it. The Fightin’ Uiops, right?”
“Yay! Go Uiops!” Sadfasdf chanted with spirit as she took a bite out of her Qwertyburger she bought at Qwerty’s, at the corner of Qwerty and Qwerty.
“You have any sisters, Sadfasdf?”
“Yeah, two. Betty and Sue.”
“Those are so weird!”
“I know. We’re trying to start a new trend.”
“Throw me somethin’, mistah” is a way to make a one-way tip. Or not.
I always like Allamagoosa. Much better than Mohammed. 🤷
People are strange (yeah, I know, pot/kettle and all that)! But I was curious, so I looked the names up on Google and was horrified to see that they are real, Querty more do than Sadfasdf... apparently "Qwerty" is considered to be gender neutral. And I also learned that some people name their kids "Nutella," after the hazelnut spread. Apparently France actually had to make it illegal because it could lead to "mockery or disparaging remarks." 🤯